Kill the Lights
by SatansSecretary
Summary: The preacher's daughter lived a simple life of getting good grades and praising God, but things grow complicated once a troubled rebel boy with a bad reputation and police record looks into her eyes and makes her question her own morals.
1. Chapter 1

Kill the Lights

_The story's missing a wishing well._

_No mirror to show and tell._

_No kiss that can break the spell._

_I'm falling asleep._

**Chapter One**

Things were simple. My life was already planned out for me. And no complications ever stood in the way of my family's want and desires for me to become. I was the stereotypical perfect innocent girl. As well as being the preacher's daughter. I had a reputation to keep up with. A façade to continue. An act to put on. I didn't mind it much. I had never experienced anything else beside the life I knew. My parents spoke of other lives, and they sounded horrid. I knew that I had no choice but to obey my parents and love God. Because I was never given a choice to be anyone else, and quite honestly I didn't think I was allowed a choice. So I didn't question things. I just did what I was told. I pretended that I was too oblivious to it all to even begin to question anything. But I was smarter than that and I knew there were other options out there. But whenever I began to wonder, I stopped myself. I distracted my curious mind with prayers to God. Besides why would I want anything else? I had a beautiful home, a somewhat stable family, and God. It's all I knew. It's all I'd ever know. And I accepted that because there really is no sense in trying to change something you aren't even sure needs changing.

It was a typical Saturday. My parents and I would go to the church to set things up for tomorrow's services. Instead this time my mom didn't come. She said she didn't feel well, but I believed it wasn't illness that made her back out on our Saturday rituals. I believed it was the need to be away from my father. My father was a good man, please don't get me wrong with my words. But he and my mother had been arguing lately. No yelling or screaming, nothing to that extreme. But they disagreed very often lately. I would curiously ask my mother what they were disagreeing about, but she'd always reply with the same answer.

"_Adult stuff. Don't worry about it, Clare." _

And being myself and the way I was raised, I didn't further ask. If my mother dismissed something, I dismissed it as well. But I still couldn't help but wonder. And asking my father was out of the question. I had my assumptions and ideas and those were all I was really entitled to. But it was quite alright, at least I was allowed my mind, without that I haven't a clue what I'd even do. I kept my thoughts to myself as did my family. And it was just how it was.

My father was in the lobby making phone calls reminding everyone of tomorrow's worship services. I was doing my normal job of cleaning and dusting the worship center. I dusted the pews, sanitized the piano and anything else my father requested of me.

"Clare," My father said, I glanced up from dusting the armrest of one of the pews in the first few rows. "I need to run into town for a moment." He stated before continuing, "There is someone in the hospital and their family requested that I meet with them and say a prayer on their recovery." He explained. I nodded, understanding. A preacher's job was never done, I suppose. It wasn't unlikely for my father to go somewhere and leave me by myself in the church. I'd grown to think of it as my second home. My father walked out and I continued to clean the pew. I began to hum a hymn to myself. I wasn't aloud to listen to anything that wasn't about praising the Lord. Which I understood, _I didn't want to fill my mind with filth_….at least that's what myparents claimed would happen.

I finished one pew and moved to the other, I was beginning to get into a cleaning routine. I was almost done with the first row of pews, when suddenly I heard the sound of some sort of loud motor. It was not my father's SUV. It was much louder. It sounded almost like….a motorcycle. I turned my head to the worship center entrance and glanced into the lobby, I began to slowly take a step toward the lobby.

It was before I could even gather my thoughts that I heard….

_SMASH!_

The sound of the window in the lobby breaking. I lost my mind and dropped my towel that I used to dust the pews. I heard the sound of male laughter. Many males laughing. And none of which sounded friendly. I gasped and darted under the very last pew I had dusted. I had no idea what else to do. Breaking into a church wasn't exactly the normal thing. Especially my church. I tucked my knees into my chest and tried to pretend as though I was invisible. I held the bottom of my blue dress tightly as the laughter grew louder and closer.

"I can't believe we did that shit." One male voice remarked.

"I told you we'd cause some damage one way or another, Drew." Another voice said, this voice seemed to sound relaxed, calm, _almost like a twisted fantasy._

Finally a group of four boys came into sight as they passed the pew I was hidden under. They were all dressed in a similar style. The first boy had brown hair that spiked up on the very top. He wore a pair of tight dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt, with a black hoodie over top. He looked young in the face, his smile was cute. The next boy was short and skinny. He wore a grey beanie on his head with his dark brown hair peering under it. He had on dark pants and a dark grey faded long sleeve shirt. He looked as though he belonged but didn't at the same time. The third boy had dark skin and black hair. He had on blue jeans and a black shirt, which was covered up by a navy jacket. He looked as though he was the leader or at least second in command.

The fourth boy looked more rugged than the rest. He had jet black hair, it looked messy and choppy but styled in the same way. He was wearing black skinny jeans, black combat boots and a black leather jacket. His green eyes stood out from his pale skin, they were almost hypnotizing. He was fit, but not too fit. The three other boys seemed to be awaiting his next orders.

"Alright guys, take a look around and make sure no one else is here." The green eyed boy announced, his voice was the one I was fond of. I bit my lip, trying to disguise any sound. I was scared, but I was also enchanted. But my time to figure out what was going through my mind was limited right now.

"What if we find someone?" The dark skinned boy asked, the green eyed boy looked at him as if he'd answered this question too many times.

"You bring them to me and I'll deal with them." He said the last part grimly. The three boys nodded and two of them went into the bathroom areas and the other moved back into the offices. The green eyed boy stayed in the worship center. He began to wander around, looking for something or anything. I watched him carefully, but not too carefully. I didn't want him to find me. I was scared what'd happen. If these men had already broken into a church, I'm sure morals weren't really something they possessed.

I moved my legs into a different position because they were beginning to fall asleep. Right after I moved them I regretted it. Because the silk on my dress rubbed together and made a faint sound. But thought the sound was faint, it echoed due to the quietness of the church.

I quickly glanced up to see green eyes looking directly in my direction. I broke the stare and tried to climb out from under the pew, I needed to get out of here. I needed to run away. Who knows? Maybe I would be running for my life. But as I tried to climb out from under the pew, the dark haired green eyed boy was right there in front of me and I couldn't move. He was only a foot away from me, he began to walk closer to me. I scooted back under the pew and tried to get far from him, even though running was pretty useless now. I was scared. I was beyond scared. I felt paralyzed. My back hit the other side of the pew and I looked back and sighed. I could sense that the green eyed boy had gotten significantly closer to me. I turned my head slowly and there he was. Only inches from me. I bit my lip and stared at him, afraid of what his next move would be.

Instead of doing anything he just stared at me. He stared me directly in my eyes. And I think that scared me more than him actually making a move to hurt me. I didn't look away though, I just got lost in his eyes. They looked tired and sad. As if he'd been through many events in his life that'd caused him to just give up. I could see it all in his eyes. He didn't look scary anymore, he looked broken. And part of me wanted to fix him somehow and repair all of his hurt. But I didn't even know this boy. For all I knew he could've been a murderer and I could've been his next victim. But something told me he wasn't going to kill me. And I believed it.

He slowly lifted his hand and gently placed it on my cheek. His hand was warm and the feeling of his skin on my skin made me feel almost…._content._ As if he'd cast a spell on me just by touching me. I watched as his lips formed what seemed to be the most beautiful half smile I'd ever witnessed in my short years. I just stared at him and he looked back at me. I felt as though he was a protector….like a guardian angel in some type of bizarre way. I wondered if he felt that feeling too and that's why he didn't do anything but touching my cheek. He face moved in closer to mine, not close enough for a meeting though. And part of that disappointed me.

He took a breath, "You better get out of here." He said in almost a whisper. His whisper was husky and alluring. I didn't reply. I couldn't reply. I felt like I was wrapped around his finger in some type of tragedy.

I just obeyed him and climbed out from under the pew. I breathed in his scent before running out of the worship center. As I ran into the lobby area I turned my head around and saw him. He damaged green eyes were still watching me and I didn't mind it, I preferred it. I climbed out of the broken window then went outside. I sat down in front of the large tree, knowing that when the boys made a quick getaway they wouldn't notice me.

When my dad returned I told him that some kids on a bike threw something at the window causing it to break. Then rode off. He believed it. But I didn't understand why I didn't tell him the truth. I didn't lie. God didn't like lying. And that was the first lie I'd ever told my parents. All I could do was picture the green eyed boys face and his smell. Oh, his smell. He smelled of pure cinnamon. It was beautiful. And I couldn't help but still imagine the feeling of when his skin touched mine. I wasn't sure what this feeling of obsession was. But I knew I couldn't tell anyone. I knew that this was one of those things I'd have to keep to myself and in some sort of way I preferred this green eyed boy to be a secret. _My secret._

It's funny how a simple meeting by mistake led me to feel such a vast amount of emotions I'd never even though existed. Part of me knew that obsessing over this was bad and that I should just move on and forget I'd ever witnessed his existence. But the other half wanted to know him, and I decided to make it my goal to at least find out his name. A name. Nothing more. And then I'd drop this little memory.

_ But names can lead to so much more than anyone, even myself, could ever begin to imagine. _

**Review please? Things will pick up. I'm excited for this story and I hope you guys are too! (:**


	2. Chapter 2

Kill the Lights

_Every prince in a fantasy._

_The witch is inside of me._

_Her poison will wash away the memory._

**Chapter Three**

"Clare Edwards, you lied!" My best friend with long blonde locks and a face of innocence yelled. I wanted to roll my eyes at her, but I knew that'd cause far more issues than I wanted to get into today.

"No…I just left some aspects of the truth out." I murmured, trying to defend myself. I hadn't lied, completely. Okay, well maybe I did a little. But it was for the best right? No one would get in trouble. Especially that green eyed, dark hair – I needed to stop thinking about that boy. I didn't even know him and I probably wouldn't ever see him again. Which wasn't a problem, it's not like I had been thinking of him constantly or anything. No. Definitely not.

"Clare, that's lying and you know it." Becky Baker said as she crossed her arms, disapprovingly. I had told her the story thinking she'd understand but her holier than now attitude of course wouldn't allow her to just give me the benefit of the doubt.

"Okay so maybe I lied…but it won't happen again." I said, mostly trying to convince myself not to do it again. "I already asked God for forgiveness, and that's who really matters, right?" I asked, trying to twist things around. In order a win an argument with Becky, bringing up God and how his opinion was the only one that really mattered was a deal breaker.

Becky pursed her lips and paused, looking down then back at me. She sighed, defeated at our disagreement. "You have a point." She finally spoke, I smiled in accomplishment.

"Thank you." I said softly in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"I just care about you, Clare. I just don't want you to make a habit of lying. Lying is a sin." Becky stated, then looked at me as though she was peering into my soul. "And we are not sinners." She said, I nodded in agreement.

"Definitely not." I stated, "I just couldn't go without telling you, you are my best friend." I told her, even though she knew this. I just wanted to point it out. Her pink lips smiled widely, happy that I'd stated the obvious.

"Your secret's safe with me, Clare Bear." She grinned, "I'm so glad we're best friends." She said and I nodded in agreement. Becky Baker might've been a stuck up Christian who felt she needed to preach the word of God, even to the preacher's daughter. But she was my best friend and she did mean well. I just knew it.

"Thanks for understanding." I said softly, she nodded and grabbed me, pulling me in for a hug. I hugged her back and smiled, enjoying the company of my best friend.

Later that week after school I exited the building. I wore my uniform which consisted of a white blouse and a red plaid knee-length skirt. I attended a small Christian school, I'd been going here since I was small. It felt like home, in some sort of a weird way.

I wandered out of the building. I always walked home, I only lived a few blocks from my school and ever since my mom and dad began bickering constantly they both decided to work more hours in order to stay away from each other. But part of me thought that it was a way to get away from me as well. I knew both my parents loved me, but I was a representation of their love and I knew it irritated them.

I put in my headphones and began listening to my Christian pop songs. I wasn't allowed to listen to any music besides Christian, my parents didn't want the singing of nonchristian related things to "poison" my mind. Those were more of my dad's words though, my mom never really said a thing about what I could or couldn't listen to. But I wasn't a rebel, so I did as they said.

I walked past an alley way, but this time was different. I felt a cold hand grab my wrist and yank me into the alley so quickly I didn't even have time to manage a scream.

The strange ripped my headphones out of my ears, causing me to mutter in pain. It was dark but still light enough to see. He had shaggy brown hair and evil eyes. I bit my lip.

"Well aren't you cute?" He asked with a smile, he backed me up against a wall, his hands on either side of me so I couldn't escape.

"Wh-who are you?" I asked, shaking. He laughed in my face, his breath reeked of some sort of alcohol.

"Fitz." He answered smugly. "Better remember that name, babygirl. Because you'll be screaming it soon." He said with a chuckle. I quivered.

"If-if it's money you want, I-I think I have a few dollars." I offered, looking down, not in his eyes. He scared the deepest depths of me.

"I don't want your money, Christian bitch." He said, my eyes snapped up at his when he muttered the foul word. "I want you." He said as his hand traveled up leg and under my skirt. I slapped his hand away and watched his expression change to anger, I regretted slapping his hand as hard as I did, but I didn't regret saving myself from being touched inappropriately, especially by the likes of him.

"Oh. So you don't want to play?" He asked me, mocking my scared expression, I felt my eyes water, his face was so close to mine. "Too fucking bad." He whispered in my ear, I felt my blood run cold through my veins. And suddenly his lips were pressed against mine, forcefully, not caring if he was hurting me – which he was. I tried to fight back, butt he had a tight grip on my wrists, I kicked and screamed in his mouth, but it only came out muffled. This was it. My first kiss, except unlike most teenage girls first kisses, mine wasn't consensual and it was with a drunk boy who was most likely going to take advantage of me.

I gasped when he pulled away, he smiled sinisterly at me. "Fighting will only make things worse, babygirl. Just shut your mouth and let me fuck you." He growled, I felt my eyes water up with tears, I didn't want this. I didn't want to be here. I just wanted to be in my room, studying the Bible and listening to the Barlow Girls.

"Please stop…." I whimpered as his hand slowly moved up my leg and thigh, I braced myself as he was about to touch my most sensitive place of innocence, but before he did a husky voice echoed through the alley way.

"Fitz." The voice boomed. The drunk creepy boy known as Fitz loosened his grip on me and looked in the direction of the voice. Out from the darkness of the alley appeared a figure, it was blurry, I couldn't see well due to my tears.

"What the hell do you want, Golds?" Fitz asked, anger that his plan had been interrupted. The figure was only a few feet from us now.

"I want you to let her go." The voice hissed, Fitz rolled his eyes at the figure.

"Funny." He muttered, "You don't know this bitch, so don't worry about it." Fitz said, tightening his grip on my wrists again, I gasped.

"Doesn't matter, let her go." The figure said. "Or you'll regret it." The voice growled, this threat hit Fitz. He dropped my wrists, I fell to the ground in shock. I was scared to move, scared that if I moved something tragic would happen. So I sat against the wall with my knees in my chest. I wiped my eyes.

"Is that a threat, Golds?" Fitz asked, getting closer to the figure, standing his ground.

"It's a promise actually." The figure said, then my eyes began to adjust to the light and I saw the figure that'd saved me. The green eyed boy from the church.

"Oh so now you think you're hot shit or something, Golds?" Fitz asked, but didn't let him answer. "I outta knock your teeth out right here for threating you." Fitz hissed.

The green eyed boys lips formed a sick smirk. But though it was a twisted smile, it was beautiful…like the smirk he'd given me at the church when he allowed me to go free.

"Now Fitzy, you wouldn't want to do anything to fuck up that probation of yours." The green eyed boy retorted. "You know I have ways of making things even worse for you." He said with that smug smirk. Fitz's tough act slowly went away. He looked at the green eyed boy somberly but a slight bit of worry in his eyes.

"…Fuck you, fuck this." Fitz said and turned and stomped off. "She's not even that pretty." He said, referring to me. I didn't even take that as an insult. Nothing matter coming from a scum like him. When Fitz was gone, I turned and looked at the green eyed boy. He was looked at me, and I felt myself blush like some sort of school girl with a crush.

I waited for him to say something. Anything. But he didn't, instead he turned and walked away. I bit my lip, as much as I wanted to chase after him, something told me he didn't want to talk. So instead I got up and brushed my skirt off. I took a deep breath and headed for home. Once I arrived home, I went into my room. When my parents came home, I told them nothing of what happened. I wanted to keep the green eyed boy a secret.

I knew I wanted to talk to him or at least thank him….this boy kept showing up when I needed him. And I felt like it had to be more than just a coincidence.

I wanted his name. I intended on finding out next time I saw him….if I ever even saw him again. This boy was something more than he appeared. It was as though he was my _green eyed savior. _

I hadn't seen the green eyed boy in quite a while. I hadn't had anything interesting happen either. It seemed like danger and the green eyed boy ran hand and hand. And all I knew about him was he seemed to have the nickname of "Golds". But that really didn't help me whatsoever. It was as though the green eyed boy had become a side obsession of mine. When I wasn't praying or studying the Bible, I was thinking about this "Golds" and why he saved me. Twice. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. So why would we save me two times? I was so confused and I just wanted to know who he was.

I sat at the counter of The Dot. I ordered a cold hot chocolate and sipped it. I glanced around, so many teens from my school and the Degrassi public school down the road were here. After all it was a Friday. As my mind wandered, I heard the roaring of an engine. I spun around in my barstool and saw it. I saw him. _Green eyed savior._

I promised myself next time I would talk to him. I couldn't back out now. I'd hate myself for it. I stood up from the stool and faked any confidence I had and made my way outside. The green eyed boy was adjusting something on his bike. I walked up behind him and took a breath. _Here goes nothing._

I tapped his shoulder and he turned. Those green orbs meeting mine.

"H-Hi." I managed to choke out, he looked at me curiously.

"Church girl, hello." He said, emotionlessly. I was about to break right then and there. Something about him made me so nervous but I liked it.

"Um, I, uh, just wanted to thank you for saving me. Twice." I said in almost a whisper, I didn't meet his eyes. I couldn't. They pierced my mind.

The green eyed boy smiled weakly and nodded, "Don't mention it." He said, then his smile faded. I looked back, fiddling with my bracelet nervously.

"Anything else?" He asked, I was just standing there, secretly freaking out.

I looked down then back up at him. "Your name." I said, softly.

He raised an eyebrow, "My name?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yes. I-I mean you saved me twice, I might as well know my savior's name." I said softly, I heard him chuckle. It wasn't in a mean way, it was in an actual amused way.

"I've been called a lot of things, church girl. But a savior is definitely the first." He said with that smirk I'd grown so fond of. I smiled a little, not knowing what to say.

"I like your smile, church girl." He stated, "It looks good on you." He added in almost a whisper, I felt my cheeks burn with redness.

"Th-thank you." I said, sincerely, as my eyes met his. He nodded.

"No need to thank me or blush for that matter." He said with a smile, I smiled back and felt as though maybe I'd been missing something without having him around.

"Um, so, do you maybe want to go walk around the park or something?" I finally got the courage to ask him something that involved us being somewhat alone in public. All of my courage disappeared when his smile turned into a shaking of his head.

"Hate to break it to you, dear, but this is not the start of some friendship." He said, no emotion in his voice. No sadness as to crushing all of my hopes.

I bit my lip, nervously. "Did I say something wrong? I- I'm so sorry if I did." I began to panic, he silenced me by moving his finger over my lips. It smelled of cigarettes, like the rest of himself.

He shook his head, "People like you and I can't be friends." He stated. "I'm a reckless loner who gets off on the thought of danger." He explained, "And you're just some church girl who stays in her comfort zone." He said, I felt so lame when he said that. Mostly because it was completely true.

"Oh." I managed to say, I think he saw the hurt on my face because he looked sad. But only for a moment.

"Sorry sweetie, but the truth hurts." He said, as he brushed a curly behind my ear. I knew he was probably right. He wouldn't be the best choice of friends. But I couldn't give up on this. I couldn't give up on us.

The spikey haired boy from the church interrupted us, his was holding onto some tan skinned girl who had a low cut shirt on. They approached us.

"Dude, there's a party tonight." He said, with an excited smile. Green eyes glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Where at?" Green eyes asked.

"My place, that's where." The tan skinned girl said as she flipped her long dark hair. "My rents are gone for the weekend and I decided to have a night filled with alcohol and dancing." She smiled. Green eyes nodded.

"And sex, don't forget sex." The spikey haired boy chimed in, the tan girl giggled and kissed him. "Of course Drew baby." She said.

Suddenly the spikey haired boy, now known as Drew noticed me. Finally. And looked at green eyes curiously. "Who's this?" Drew asked.

I looked at green eyes, he looked at me then back at Drew. "No one." He said, blankly. I looked down, fighting the urge to be sad. I was no one to him. Wonderful.

"Well for 'no one' she sure is pretty." The tan girl said, I expected them to treat me cruelly, since green eyes obviously didn't care to be around me. But I was surprised. I looked up at the tan girl and smiled. "Thank you, you're pretty too." I said softly. She was pretty.

The tan girl giggled, "Aw, you're sweet!" She chimed, Drew smiled at me as though he was trying to tell me that complimenting his girlfriend was a definite way to be okay in his book. "I'm Ali, FYI." The tan girl said and put her hand out to shake, I took it and shook it and smiled. "Clare." I said softly, I glanced up at green eyes, he didn't look too thrill to see that his friends had taken a liking to me.

"Clare. That's so elegant and cute, totally fits you!" Ali exclaimed, I couldn't help but smile and thank her. "So, Clare, do you want to come party with us tonight? You don't have to bring anything. I mean, unless you're picky about bringing your own booze." Ali said.

"That's not really her scene." Green eyes said, as if he spoke for me or something. Yeah, clearly a party with alcohol and burnouts wasn't my cup of tea. And yes, as nice as Ali was I was going to decline her generous offer. But something came over me. Green eyes had made it clear that he knew all about me and my ways. Or at least he thought he did. I decided to be bold and do something to surprise him. He was clearly the face of a thrill and maybe his wild side was rubbing off on me or something but what I did next still even surprised me honestly.

"Actually Ali, I would love to come." I said with a smile, Ali smiled back. I glanced at green eyes, his expression looked shocked and maybe a little amused or maybe I was just hoping that it did.

"Really? Awesome!" Ali grinned and clapped her hands. She took out a hot pink iPhone from her pocket and handed it to me. "Put your number in and I'll text you the details and shit later." Ali smiled, I took her phone and typed in my name and number.

"Yay! Tonight will be such fun. See you later, Clare!" Ali squealed and blew me a kiss as her and Drew wandered off and down the street, leaving green eyes and I alone.

"So, was that just your way of showing me up or something?" Green eyes asked, not amused now. I took a breath and shrugged.

"Maybe." I said, "Or maybe you don't know as much as you think about me." I said, even surprising myself with that reply. Before I ran out of courage though, I quickly walked away. I don't know that compelled me to suddenly be so brave, but I liked it.

Maybe just being around the green eyed boy gave me the confidence to be a little wild or maybe I just wanted to impress him. Either way, I kinda liked it. But I knew that things wouldn't get out of hand. No. I just thought maybe for once I could use a little_ escape._

**Next chapter is the party chapter ;D**

**What will happen? Nothing major, I mean it's Saint Clare, right? :p**

**Reviews are sexy, like you readers. **


	3. Chapter 3

_We kill the lights and put on a show._

_It's all a lie._

_But you'd never know._

**Chapter Three**

I had spent hours getting ready. And by getting ready I mean researching what teenage girls wore to "parties". The only party I'd ever been to were parent supervised birthday parties. And I highly doubt that the party tonight was going to be anything like Becky Baker's sweet sixteen, where all we did was sing songs of Jesus and eat glutton free cake. Which isn't as bad as it sounds….okay, it's worse.

I finally decided on a light blue dress with thin straps, it went down to behind above my knees. I slid on a pair of black flat shoes as well as a black cardigan. I lied to my parents, I'd been doing that far too often. It made things simpler though. I told them I was going to study with a few girls from school. I wasn't known for lying and going to parties, because I never did that. So my parents believed me, which worked for me selfish benefit I guess. My makeup consisted for a light brown on my eyelids and lip gloss. Unlike most girls I didn't cake on makeup, not just because I wasn't allowed to…it just wasn't my thing.

Ali had texted me all of the information about her party. Luckily her house wasn't but a twenty minute walk away. It's not like I could ask my parents to take me to a house party. That'd go over well. Definitely. Though walking probably wasn't the best idea after what happened with Fitz, but as bad as it sounded, I kinda wished something would've happen….because what'd happen? Green eyes would save me. And maybe then I could actually have a conversation without him blowing me off.

When I got to the party there were so many people. None of which looked familiar, I figured it was all Degrassi kids. I was nervous around people, but I pretended not to be. After all the host did invite me, so I had as much of a right to be here as everyone else.

"Clare cutie pie!" Ali's voice squealed from behind me. I turned and smiled at her. Ali did seem nice, maybe she hadn't made the best choices in her life, but that wasn't my business. She was sweet to me, so she was great in my book.

"Hey Ali. Thanks again for inviting me." I said softly, Drew walked up behind Ali and kissed her neck, Ali giggled, I could tell she was drunk. I knew what drunks were like, a few months ago these people came to our church, wasted. It was funny, but of course I pretended to find it disturbing because I was taught to feel the way my parents felt.

"No problem, Clare!" Ali grinned. She was wearing a red crop top and tight blue jeans. Ali grabbed a red solo cup from the table next to us and handed it to me. "Drink up, Clare cutie pie. Here it's okay to get drunk and act silly!" Ali said, then stumbled, Drew held onto her. He whispered something in her ear, she giggled again.

"If you excuse me, Clare cutie." Ali began, "Drew and I have to do something." She said and smiled, kissing Drew. I nodded.

"You two have fun." I said, knowing what 'something' meant. Ali smiled at me, as did Drew. They wandered upstairs. I sighed, unsure of what to do. I looked at the cup, I could smell the booze from the cup. I blinked then took a big gulp. Once I tasted the intoxicating substance, I gagged. Making a disgusted face. Alcohol was disgusting. It tasted like absolute crap. I hoped no one had saw my disgusted face. I wanted to blend in and pretend I was a usual party goer. But of course, the reason I came to this entire shindig saw everything.

"So, clearly drinking isn't your specialty." Green eyes said, as he emerged from the crowd of people. I pursed my lips.

"No, I just haven't drunken in a while." I said, my voice oozing with lies. He could tell, I could tell. He smirked at me.

"Or ever." He added to my sentence, I looked down then back up at him, I tried to give him an annoyed expression.

"Why did you even come tonight anyway church girl?" Green eyes asked me. I didn't even know how to answer that. Partly for him, partly because maybe I wanted to see what it was like to not be innocent just once.

"Well nice to see you too." I said, trying to give me a bit of an attitude.

"You know what I mean, church girl. This isn't your thing, both of us know that." He stated. He was right. God, I hated him for being right.

"….I thought maybe I could see what it's like to be not surrounded by – by Bibles and scripture and listening to hymns." I continued, "I wanted to be able to say I went to at least one party. Just one party. Once." I said, that answer was probably only 30% accurate. My main reason was to prove this green eyed boy wrong. To show him that maybe I could find a place as his friend. Not that I'd say that though.

Green eyes nodded, emotionless. "Good enough, I suppose." He retorted. I smiled. I looked down at my full cup of alcohol.

"So, uh, how do you drink this stuff without wanting to go drown yourself in the toilet?" I asked, getting a chuckle out of green eyes. I felt a little accomplished.

"Well for beginners, like yourself, drinking straight vodka might not be the best idea." He said softly. He looked over at the table, and grabbed the random bottle of orange juice. "Hence the reason this is here." He said, I was still confused, he could see it in my face. He took my cup from me then pour a small amount of orange juice into my cup, he moved it around to stir it then handed it back to me. "Try it again." He murmured.

I took a sip, the alcohol taste was still there, but it'd be mixed with an orange delightful taste. I took another swig, and smiled at him, telling him that it was better.

"You're welcome." Green eyes said softly, I blushed softly.

I wasn't sure how many cups of the vodka orange juice I had swallowed down. But after about my fifth cup, I felt like counting wasn't necessary anymore. Everything was blurry, but tolerable. And the music felt so much louder, as if it was entering my soul, and I really liked it.

I grabbed another cup and put some orange juice in it, before I took a drink, green eyes took it from me. I looked at him, "That's mine! Get your own, stealer!" I slurred, green eyes couldn't help but laugh at me. He shook his head. "You're done for the night, church girl." He said, I crossed my arms. "Not fair, you – you suck." I managed to say. He chuckled.

Suddenly the music changed, it had a techno type of beat to it. I liked it, I started moving my hips from side to side and laughed at absolutely nothing. Green eyes watched me.

"What's so funny church girl?" He asked, I smiled at him and grabbed his arm, my bubble of shyness had been drunken away.

"I'm happy! So happy, I wanna dance!" I cheered and tilted my head at him. "Dance with me?" I asked him, I waited for him to refuse, but to my surprise he shrugged and nodded. I pulled him onto the dance area, the beats began to pick up and I moved my hips from side to side and moved my head around, feeling the music. The nonchristian "devil" music my dad hated. If this was the music of the devil, maybe hell wasn't so scary.

I glanced over and saw green eyes moving around, I walked over to him and backed my back up against his chest. I had no idea what'd came over me, seeing all those cheesy romantic comedy movies with Becky came in handy. I moved my hips against his, I felt his hands moved onto my waist, holding onto me, I leaned my head back, shutting my eyes, my head met his shoulder. The music dropped and sounded more sensual. Before I knew it, I felt green eyes grinding his body against mine. And to my surprise, I had initiated the dirty dancing. We grinded against one another, our hips moving in sync. I breathed a little heavier than before, I felt green eyes turned me around and our eyes met. I smiled softly at him and he smiled back. Now our fronts grinded against each other. I felt so bad, I felt like a sinner, and I was far from regretting it.

"I didn't know you had moves, church girl." Green eyes said softly. I smiled, "You like them?" I asked him, grinding a bit more. Green eyes nodded, "Definitely." He replied.

After a few more minutes of dirty dancing and grinding and exchanging smiles, I spoke up in his ear, "Would you mind escorting me to the bathroom?" I asked in a whisper. He smirked at me and nodded, "Sure. Would hate for you to get lost." He replied. I grabbed his hand and we walked out from the room with the music and drinks and up the stairs.

Once we reached the bathroom, I walked into it, shut the door and looked at myself in the mirror. My curls were messy, but other than that I looked okay. After a few minutes I walked back out to join green eyes, he nodded to me. The lighting reflected against his black hair and pale skin, the way it looked made him look like something beyond this world.

"You're so lovely." I muttered to myself, but green eyes heard. And I didn't care actually. "You're not so bad yourself, church girl." He smiled. I blushed again.

"So, what do you think of me now? Not so innocent and Jesus obsessed, right?" I asked him, as I backed him up against the wall slightly. He raised an eyebrow.

"I am a bit surprised and impressed, to be honest." He said, emotionlessly. I smiled, getting closer to him, I didn't know my intentions, but I let my inner drunk take over. "I'm a little surprised myself….but I like it. I like this partying thing." I grinned, he laughed softly. "You're a natural at it." He added, I smiled.

"So you still never told me your name." I said, my voice even lower, we were only an inch or two apart. He didn't seem to mind.

"And it'll remain a mystery." He retorted. My face fell. "After all we've been through?!" I gasped, "You letting me run free at the church….you saving me from my first kiss of death." I murmured the last part, I sighed afterwards. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, before it rolled all the way down my face, I felt a finger brush it away.

"Eli. My name's Eli Goldsworthy." Green eyes said softly, I glanced up at him, his eyes looked soft, as if he felt empathy for my sad memory.

"Eli. I like that name, Eli." I said with a smile, he smirked, "It could be worse." He paused, "And Fitzy boy doesn't count as your first kiss." He stated, "A first kiss should be between two people that at least like each other. Not being forced by a stranger." Eli whispered, our faces were so close now, I could feel his breath.

"Eli…." I whispered, as I felt his hands moved around my waist, mine moved around his neck and we both looked into each other's eyes.

"Hm?" He responded, I bit my lip. It was a good thing I was drunk because I would've died from shyness by now.

"Would you like to be my first kiss? A real first kiss." I asked him, ready to be rejected, he thought for a moment.

"Sure, Clare." Eli said, it was the first time I'd ever heard him say my name. I liked the way it sounded coming from his mouth.

I wasn't sure how to go about this, but when I felt Eli's lips gently press themselves against mine, I knew to just let things flow naturally. I gripped onto his neck tighter and before I could understand what I was doing, I slipped my tongue against his lips, he gladly allowed my entrance, and within a matter of seconds our sweet first peck became a full blown makeout scene.

Eli's hands moved up and down my sides, my hands found their way in his raven black hair and I twisted my fingers all around his locks, I tasted his tongue against mine and it tasted wonderful.

Once we finally pulled away, I looked at him, my eyes wide, he looked a little surprised as well.

"Wow. What a first kiss." I said then started giggling, Eli chuckled.

When we finally went back downstairs to join the party all I remember doing was dancing around with Eli and Ali and taking a couple more swigs of something fruity and alcohol. But then everything disappeared and I shut my eyes and dozed off.

When I woke up the next day, I had a pounding head ache. And it took much more effort than usual to open my eyes. But once I saw I was somewhere that didn't look familiar whatsoever, they snapped open fully and I sat up quickly.

I glanced around, I was in a room with black dressers, black sheets, black curtains, and a dark carpet. It wasn't anything fancy but it was clean. I quickly jumped out of bed, I was still in my blue party dress, I bit my lip and wandered out the open door. I was a little dizzy, but it passed the more I walked. I walked out into what looked like a living room area and on the couch was a sleeping boy with dark hair – Eli Goldsworthy.

As much as I hated to wake him I had to. I pushed him until he woke up.

"What's going on?" He asked, his voice sleepy and deep. It was adorable. I took a breath, "Um, where am I?" I asked, trying not to freak out. Eli rubbed his eyes and sat up.

He yawned and stretched before replying, "You fell asleep at the party and since no one knows where the hell you live, I just took you back to my place to sleep." He said softly. My eyes widened, my parents. I didn't come home. I WAS DEAD.

"Oh my God! My parents are going to be so upset!" I exclaimed, before I went into a panic attack, Eli grabbed my shoulders, calming me down.

"Relax, Saint Clare." Eli said softly, "Ali took your phone and called your folks. She said she was a friend from school and wanted you to spend the night." He explained, I bit my lip. "They never let me out of the house though." I said, unconvinced. Eli shook his head, "Ali told them you two were going to praise Jesus or some religious shit." He shrugged, normally I would've been offended. But I was just relieved to not be grounded when I got home.

"Are you sure?" I asked him, he nodded. And I trusted him.

"So what happened last night?" I asked him, rubbing my eyes. He moved over allowing me to sit beside him. He looked away from me for a moment, then back at me.

"You drank. A lot." He began, I remembered that, barely. "Then you and I danced together and you just fell asleep." He said softly. It all sounded too plain.

"Is that it?" I asked, I thought for sure something more exciting would've occurred at my first party.

Eli paused before answering, "That's it." He said. Before I asked anymore questions, I rubbed my temples. My head was throbbing.

"I'll get you some Tylenol." He said as he got up and walked into another room which was probably his bathroom.

I couldn't believe I had gone to my first party. And woken up in a boy I hardly knew's bed. Even though I had just fallen asleep, I just felt so content. I felt like something more had happened than just drinking and dancing. But Eli said that's all that happened. And he wouldn't lie, even though I hardly knew him, I just knew.

When Eli came back, he handed me the Tylenol. I swallowed it. "You should get home." He said softly, I nodded, agreeing. "Thanks for everything." I smiled, he nodded without emotion. When I headed to the door, I turned and kissed his cheek. It was simple, but it was the least I could do.

"Bye church girl." He said, I breathed in his _minty_ breath then smiled. "Bye." I replied then walked out.

I tried so hard to remember last night but it was all a blur. All I knew was that all I could taste in my throat was vodka and orange juice. And _mint_. Which was strange, but I didn't think too much of it. All I knew was that I didn't want last night to be my last party or my last time seeing Eli Goldsworthy.


	4. Chapter 4

Kill the Lights

_The star will shine._

_And then it will fall._

_And you will forget it all._

**Chapter Four**

My parents hadn't been as nosey as I imaged they would be with my new slight bit of a social life. As long as I continued the façade that I was always with Ali, who I barely even knew, and that she was someone from school, they saw no reason to not trust me. Since in their eyes _I would never lie to them_. Which as much as I wanted to feel bad and sad about, I didn't. The slight bit of guilt I had suffered from was gone now. Because deep down in my mind _I didn't think what I was doing was completely wrong. _Maybe not right. But for once, I felt like I was doing something I wanted to do. And it was such a refreshing feeling to feel.

Though Ali and I weren't close, we were well on our way. At school, the few friends I had didn't talk to me much anymore. Once word got out about me attending an unsupervised party, my classmates automatically considered me a _sinner_ and whatever friendship was there was now gone. Which, again, I didn't really care. Maybe Eli's carefree attitude was rubbing off on me. Whatever it was, I was enjoying it.

I hung out with Ali pretty often, mostly on the weekends. I'd learned that she didn't have many friends, by choice though. She told me stories about how she use to be popular at the public school down the road from my private school. She told me how everyone knew her and everyone pretended to want to be friends with her. And she believed it, until one day a group of girls, who claimed to be her good friends, followed her into the bathroom and beat her up then took bottles of water and poured it all over her. The reason being was that they claimed she was a "bitch", even though she hadn't done anything to anyone. Then she went on to tell me about how Drew could hear her sobbing from outside of the girls bathroom. He rushed in to see what was wrong and that's how they met and it was "love at first sight", her words not mine. Ali was sweet though. I liked having her around, she didn't make me feel like such a "weirdo Jesus freak", as I'd grown to learn this was my reputation around town. I also had grown to realize that in most cases when Ali and I would hang out, Drew would show up, and occasionally Eli would be with him. And I definitely didn't mind "accidentally" seeing Eli.

"I love Oreos, they I'm beginning to think they fucking hate me." Ali muttered as she leaned back in her chair. We sat inside of The Dot Café and sipped on our coffees. This was the usual ritual on Saturdays for Ali and I.

"What makes you say that?" I asked her, as I twirled one of my curls.

"Well, I work out all the time! And Drew also gives me a workout…" Ali paused, seeing my grossed out face at her referring to her sex life, she chuckled then continued to speak, "But every time I eat one, it turns into like ten. And I somehow gain at least two pounds within that week." Ali sighed, as she crossed her arms over her low cut strapless pink dress.

"Have you ever thought of maybe not eating them then?" I suggested, Ali rolled her eyes playfully. "Clare. Have you ever tried an Oreo? They're like the best invention ever! Quitting cold turkey is definitely a no go." She said, I couldn't help but laugh at her logic.

"Next party I have, I'm definitely stocking up on those little fuckers." Ali thought aloud, I nodded, she was a definite talker. But I didn't mind it. "And this time if you and Eli want to sneak off and make out, you can totally use my room and not the hallway outside of the bathroom!" Ali exclaimed. _Make out. Eli. What. _

My eyes widened and about a million thoughts ran through my head. I had kissed Eli? That was a shock. But what was even more shocking was that I didn't remember. And he didn't tell me. Was it that bad of a kiss?

"W-what kiss?" I finally managed to asked, Ali looked at me, confused that I was confused. She thought I was joking. "Funny, Clare bear." Ali giggled, but when she saw the seriousness in my face she quickly stopped.

"Oh- oh my gosh. You really were drunk, weren't you?" Ali asked, I bit my lip and repeated my question. "What kiss, Ali?" I asked her.

Ali took a breath, "During my party, Eli walked you to the bathroom. Then once you came out, you two talked about….well, I don't know what….but then you two kissed." She explained, "Or well, I think _made out_ maybe be a better definition." Ali shrugged, as if it was nothing.

I had made out with Eli Goldsworthy and I didn't even remember.

"Who told you about all of this?" I asked, trying not to jump up and down from excitement. Or pretend that I wasn't phased at all, which was hard.

Ali laughed, "Eli. Well indirectly. He won't stop talking to Drew about it."

_Eli. _And there it was. He'd known about it. And he didn't even tell me. I didn't know if I was insulted or just pissed. But I wanted answers from Eli.

"Why didn't he tell me?" I finally asked, giving up a little. Ali could see the sadness in my eyes. "Sweetie pie, Eli is a total weirdo when it comes to emotions." She explained, "He probably didn't want to talk to you about it, because as much as he probably won't admit to it, he totally digs you." Ali said, either she was really trying to make me feel better by telling me Eli Goldsworthy liked me or maybe he really did. "The way he looks at you! Oh my gosh! He's so into you. Maybe no one else sees it, but I do. And I'm fucking awesome when it comes to this type of thing!" Ali gushed. I fought back the urge to smile. _Eli. _I needed to talk to him. Pronto.

"Do you know where he is right now?" I asked Ali.

"Eli? Um, probably at the Ravine with Drew." Ali murmured. I didn't even have the urge to ask what the Ravine was. I was too consumed with confronting Eli.

I paused, "Where is this Ravine place?" I asked, Ali's eyes looked down.

"Clare, cutie, the Ravine is definitely not a place where _you_ should be. Hell, I don't even like being there." Ali said, I rolled my eyes slightly.

"Ali, please…I just really need to talk to Eli about this whole _thing_." I said, desperately. Ali sighed, "Fine…but we're only going to talk to Eli then get the hell out of there. I hate it there!" Ali expressed, I nodded.

Ali was right about the Ravine. It definitely wasn't my scene. It was a small area beside a dirty lake. Other than there being far too many people for the size of the land, it smelled bad. And most of the people there were either grungy boys or slutty girls. Let's just say I stayed close to Ali.

"Have you seen Eli?" Ali asked some guy who looked as though he hadn't ever heard of the razor. He pointed to an area behind some trees. Ali grabbed my hand and pulled me there, as we walked many people stared at me. And not one of those stares was friendly.

When we got to the area, I didn't see Eli. Only Drew and a couple other boys.

"Hey baby. What is Clare doing here?" Drew asked Ali, the second part he tried to whisper, but his whisper skills sucked.

"She needed to talk to Eli about something." Ali explained.

"Where is he?" I asked Drew. Drew bit his lip for a moment, looking as though he didn't want to tell me. But Ali was looking at him now, too.

"Uh…." Drew muttered, finally one of the other boys answered my question.

"Eli's over there, behind the trees." The boy pointed to a woodsy area. Why was Eli in the woods? That was my first question. But before I could even think logically I pushed past the tall grass and people to the woods.

And once I found him, I really wished I hadn't even suggested coming to the Ravine. There Eli was laying down in the grass, without a shirt, with some curly dark haired girl laying on top of him in a bra and short shorts.

I bit my lip, I wanted to cry, I wanted to puke. All at once.

The dark haired girl pulled her lips away from his and looked at me. She was terribly pretty, which made me dislike her even more.

"Can I fucking help you?" She snapped, rudely. Eli glanced up and saw me, his eyes widened and he quickly sat up, pushing the girl off.

"Clare. What the hell are you doing here?" He asked, his tone was a mixture of confusion and annoyance.

"Clare Edwards? The daughter of Pastor Edwards?" The curly haired girl asked, Eli ignored her.

I couldn't speak. I tried, but no sound came out. I just turned and quickly ran off. I didn't know where I was running but all I knew was that Eli didn't chase after me. And that's what hurt me the most.

I didn't run too far away from the Ravine. But I was in the woods alone. And all I could do was cry and wish I had never even met Eli Goldsworthy.

After what felt to be an hour or more, I finally made my way back to the Ravine. Most of the people had left.

"Um, have you seen Ali?" I asked some blonde girl whose lipstick was smeared everywhere on her face. She shook her head.

I sighed and walked back to the area where Drew was, no one was there. I even checked Eli's secret spot of disgust – empty.

I bit my lip, freaking out a little. Before I could gather my composure, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I turned to see a boy with dark skin. He was one of the boys from the church. I took a deep breath.

"Uh, I guess…I just – all of my friends left and I don't remember the way to get back." I admitted, looking down.

"That's not good….well, my friend and I were going to go back to The Dot in a little while. Do you want to hang out with us until then?" He asked, carefully. I bit my lip. I probably should've said no. But he was friends with Eli, and even though I hated Eli right now, his friends didn't seem like terrible people.

"…Okay." I agreed, the boy smiled and I followed him to a grassy area. When we got there I only saw the dark curly haired girl from before. I held my breath and sat down, trying not to look at her. It was only her and him. It was awkward. The boy sat down, too.

"Um, so…" I finally said, the girl smiled at me. And not in a vicious manner.

"I'm really sorry about earlier, Clare, right?" She asked, I nodded. "I definitely didn't mean for you to see that….or to snap at you. I can be a total bitch sometimes." She told me, as much as I wanted to ignore her and continued to hate her, I couldn't. She seemed se sincere. And she probably didn't even know that Eli and I had kissed. She probably didn't even know I existed until now either.

"…It's not your fault. I'm sorry for interrupting." I said softly, the curly haired girl smiled.

"No hard feelings." She said, "I'm Bianca, by the way." She said, I smiled at her. She seemed like a good person.

"So, now that all of that is over with, let's have some actual fun." The boy finally said, Bianca rolled her eyes.

"Fine, Dallas." Bianca said with a laugh. Dallas handed her a small white pill, she plopped it into her mouth and swallowed it. He then handed me one, I shook my head.

"No thanks, I don't do drugs." I said, Dallas laughed. Bianca looked at me.

"Come on, Clare, it's not that bad, I swear to you! I don't do heavy drugs at all, just this. It relaxes you. And it wears off quickly." Bianca said, I considered, "Besides, I'll watch out for you, nothing will get out of hand." She said, and I believed.

I took the pill.

Dear God, I really wished I hadn't.

**-Dramatic music-**

**What will happen? O:**

**I apologize this chapter was a little rushed. But I only had a short bit of time.**

**I'll posted super soon! The reason for the delay was I had a bad writer's block. But I'm good now. (:**

**Reviews? Thank you beautifuls!**


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